05 December 2013

great expectations

(i found this in my september draft folder, and am posting it without any changes)

why do we have children? what is behind this need to procreate, to nurture children into adulthood?

i mentioned before that since having the twins, i appreciate my parents much more, on different levels. and yet, i know that i am not the perfect child. (ok, i have no idea what the perfect child would be, but you understand..) and neither are my siblings. i witnessed an interaction between my mom and one of my brothers this morning, and it left me feeling sad, empty. i wondered what my mom was thinking in that instance, whether she wondered why she had children, or what the point of it all was.. perhaps not -i care for the twins not because i expect something in return, but because i must. as this post says,

It wasn’t even about choice, or making a career out of being a homemaker, or any of those glamorous debates. It was simply about doing what she must. In sunlight, we wear sunglasses. At night, we turn on the lights. When it rains, we look about for an umbrella. Circumstances change and we adapt. There is nothing to sacrifice, nothing to choose, there’s no option but to do what we must...

We play our parts, our cards. When life deals us a home, we run it; when destiny decrees us a passion, we follow it. Sometimes, we have the luxury of making a choice but, mostly, our choices are already made for us. Our happiness lies in our acceptance of who we are; our freedom lies in going with the flow. 

as i bathe, dress, change and feed the twins, as i entertain them and comfort them and put them to sleep, while running low on sleep, energy, food and patience myself, i recall that my parents did the same with me. i am led to believe that this is the repayment for all parents -when their children become parents themselves. and yet, surely this cannot be enough. we must all have expectations of our children, of our flesh and blood, who we so lovingly and painstakingly nurture.. i grew up in a culture that was relatively liberal, open and individualistic, even while being tethered to religion and family. i now live in a culture not as open, and not at all individualitstic, but more focused on family, social responsibility..

while i love the hindi movie 'baghban' and am even sympathetic to the protagonists' plight, and agree with their denouncement of their children, i know that things are not so black and white, people are not so black and white. children are not all bad or all good.. there are so many gradations.. sometimes a really good person could be a lousy son..

why is it that we would judge a lousy parent more harshly than a lousy child?

1 comment:

c said...

Hey you,
Am here reading your words, and thinking of you. Really wise words, we do it simply because we must.
I am scrambling in my head for answers to why people would judge parents more harshly than children. I think it really depends whose perspective you are more sympathetic to, and depending on that the answer changes...
Don't have an answer, just a big hug and a reminder that I LOVE YOU!
CK :) x