my wish for you

peace
serenity
eternal smiles

fresh grass under your feet
a gentle breeze in your hair
the scent of blossoms in your breath

clarity,
an abundance of truth and faith,
contentment

a better place,
in every way

**in memory of my nani, rt and mt

counting down

in exactly two months (give or take a day), i will be boarding a plane which will take me far away from this life that i put so much effort into building, and that rewarded me with just as much. it will take me to a new place, a new life, which i hope will be even more rewarding inshallah, but until then, i simply want to soak up as much of hk, my friends, parents, brother as possible. i want to enjoy being me -i do not know what a married, living in india, with a whole bunch of new responsibilities md will be like.. i hope (among other things) she still listens to tracy chapman, watches house, shakes her head in disbelief at the melodrama of indian tv serials, and is happy to take long walks!

communication and the world of relationships

i have spent quite some time in dissecting and critiquing other people's relationships and marriages. assuming that i was surrounded by far from ideal marriages, i was quite clear on what i wanted or didn't want from a relationship. or so i thought. now, i wonder whether i was not too hasty to judge, too arrogant in my all-seeing-but-nil-knowing wisdom. each relationship is different, and what works for me, may not work for you; how did i not understand this most basic and obvious truism before?

how did i not realize the world that encompasses a relationship, one that i am finding both alien and unexpected? most importantly, why are my communication skills so rusty? navigating this new world without this essential set of skills is fraught with danger. having to explain myself, my feelings, my rationale is so darn hard. i have these wonderful girlfriends whom i rarely have to explain anything to, who share my thoughts and complete my sentences, who understand me better than i understand myself. communicating with them has been so simple, so easy.

these skills are not just useful in relationships; i recall complaining about interns at work who didn't just get it, who couldn't quite grasp what i wanted. my solution? do it myself. that was far simpler than wasting time and effort on getting someone else to understand, and then actually do the necessary work. i was in awe of this one colleague who was a genius at getting the interns to understand what he wanted. the rest of us were not so lucky.

little did i know that feelings and chemistry may initiate a good relationship, but have little to do with making it work. for that matter, little did i realize that a good relationship requires work, on a daily basis! i feel like a kid who jumped happily into the inviting blue sea without realizing that she didn't in fact know how to swim.

swimming lessons, anyone?!

WISE

wise is the 'women's international shared experience project', enabling women from asian countries to use video, internet and other forms of communication technology to empower themselves and advocate for their rights.

the project is taking off in pakistan right now, where a group of women are making their first film on domestic violence. their stories and enthusiasm are humbling and heartwarming!

back to the future

i have never understood people's fascination with their childhood, and their wish to rewind life to that period. especially because these are all individuals in their late 20s or 30s! in general, i do not want to go backwards- i am excited about all the new milestones, experiences, people and places i have yet to encounter. i admit though, that i do infrequently think of being back at uni, in cairo -that was a wonderful time, that was when i became ME, when i finally grew into my own skin. but being a kid again? no, thank you.

i don't think i had a bad childhood, but i just don't see what was so great about it either. i recall the pressures of school (and madressah!), the limitations regarding clothes, food, places to go and even friends, and i shudder to think about returning there. how does that compare with the freedom of today, a job i love and am passionate about, meaningful relationships with friends and family, and so many other things?! perhaps i will feel differently 20 or 30 years later, but for now, i am happy in the present, and looking forward to the future.

it's interesting that most of these people mourning their lost childhood are all indians/bohras -does that make a difference? is there something special about the indian childhood that i'm unaware of? or are their lives today not fulfilling enough?

new words

here's me doing my homework-

interesting: fascinating, intriguing, appealing, amusing, engaging

weird: unusual, bizarre, funky, deviant, peculiar, exceptional

funny: absurd, droll, entertaining, goofy, whimsical

scary: intimidating, formidable, alarming, spooky, unnerving

new word of the day: pulchritude, meaning great physical beauty

sweet

having sent around a few pics of H's and myself, i received variations of the following comments:

"both of you cannot stop smiling!"
"u look so cute together!!!!!!!! AND SO HAPPY!!!!!!!"
"you look beautiful in these pictures, so glowing, and i have never seen you smile so wide!"

i feel blessed and loved! thank you everyone :)

lost and found

i have wanted to write for the past couple of days, but there was nothing specific i wanted to say. or, more accurately, i wasn't sure what i wanted to say here, on this blog.. today, the need to write, to have words move from my head to my fingertips to the screen was overwhelming, and so i thought of using some creative writing prompts to channel my energy into words. many of the exercises i checked out were interesting, but two particularly grabbed me: writing about things i've lost and found, and randomly picking words from a dictionary and writing around them.

i have a dictionary on my desk at work, and another at home. i cannot remember the last time i opened either. there was a time when i was quite particular about increasing and refining my vocab, when i would meticulously check out every word i did not know, when i would 'learn' a new word every week. i miss that time. i seem to have lost that drive, that motivation to excel, to improve, to grow. my vocab is so stagnant now, so incestuous. i use the same words for both work and play. in fact, i use such few words that i have imbued them all with various levels of meanings (to H's consternation!). so, my homework will be to find replacements for funny, interesting, weird and scared! i will also attempt to open the dictionary at least once a week.

now for the creative writing dictionary exercise: forte, possession, wanton, bucket

she finally found the bucket. hands on her hips, she grinned happily at the shiny redness. her grin faded a little as she took in all the possessions packed into it. was that a sock there? blowing out a few breaths, she bent down and began emptying colored pebbles, a bottle of bubble liquid, two plastic spades, mouldy socks, some books that were falling apart. she no longer remembered whether these belonged to her or her brother. most likely to her brother; books and words were his forte. she found words too dense, complicated. she was happier with pictures, images. she loved to draw-people, plants, objects. once she was done with the bucket, she would go back to her latest sketch of her wanton cat.

**
that was fun! maybe i should do this weekly too.. :)